“It’s Complicated”
Or is it? If it is, then why is it, or how did it get this way?
We often say or hear someone say, in describing their situation, “It’s Complicated”. While it’s said about any and all of one’s situation, it’s probably most often said about personal relationships.
Is it really complicated, or is it complicated because we make it so? Is it complicated because we allow ourselves to get in a complicated situation? Do we create complication, consciously or un?
This is another case of what Kabbalah describes as “Head over Heart”. Here the heart means our emotions, which are often reactive. The head knows better, from learning and experience, yet we allow our emotional needs to overrule.
The head is above the heart, so that metaphorically the head should overrule the heart. The head represents the intellect that knows what is right to do. The heart represents the emotions which are often impulsive and when acted on alone send us off the path of our improvement and growth.
“The heart is forever inexperienced.” – Henry David Thoreau
If you learn to pause and consider carefully what you are about to get into, you might save yourself. Listen to your head, or some say your gut. Do this often enough and eventually your head and heart will be in sync. Important life decisions will then come easier and your life will be smoother. You will no longer have to say “It’s Complicated”.
“Always put off til tomorrow what you shouldn’t do at all.” — Morris Mandel
Heart and Soul
Making a Difference
We know that phrase and we use that phrase. We usually say it or ascribe it to someone who does or says something positive and we believe makes a Positive difference.
The reality is, that in all that we say and do, all of us make a difference in other’s lives. That means saying or doing something negative may/will also make a difference in someone’s life, albeit a negative one. Understanding that should be a reminder that all that we say and do should be to make a positive difference. It should be a reminder to carefully consider our words and actions.
“The wise man, even when he holds his tongue, says more than the fool when he speaks.” – Yiddish Proverb
“The tongue is secured behind the teeth and behind the lips, yet it does no end of damage. Imagine if it were outside!” – Yalkut Shimoni
“We are masters of the unsaid words, but slaves of those we let slip out.” – Winston Churchill
The difference we make, can be or seem to be very small to you, but it may be very big to the other.
“Spread love everywhere you go. Let no one ever come to you without leaving happier.” – Mother Teresa
“If each man or woman could understand that every other human life is as full of sorrows, or joys, or base temptations, of heartaches and of remorse as his own . . . how much kinder, how much gentler he would be.” – William Allen White
So take the old “ten count” before speaking or acting, and during it ask yourself, “what is the goal of the words or action?” Helpful or hurtful? Loving or not so much?
“What is hateful to you, do not do to your fellow.” – Hillel
Making this difference elevates you and elevates the other, which eventually elevates us all. Wouldn’t that be a nice difference?
Heart and Soul
Never Again!!
Today is Yom Hashoah, Holocaust Remembrance Day.
In honor of all those who perished, were murdered in the Holocaust, and what lessons we can learn from remembering, I send this to you.
My parents are Holocaust survivors, or now, were Holocaust survivors. In their honor and memory, I remember. In memory of the six million Jews who were murdered, I remember. For this I say “Never Again”. We remember to honor those who were murdered and to ensure that it doesn’t happen again, anywhere.
“What does it mean to remember? It is to live in more than one world, to
prevent the past from fading, and to call upon the future to illuminate it.” Elie Wiesel
Today, I am sad not just for the remembering, I am sad and fearful as I see that Anti-Semitism is on the rise again.
“Those who cannot remember the past are condemned to repeat it”. – George Santayana
Often, it’s repeated because we are fooled as it never comes dressed in the same clothes. Anti-Semitism is again on the rise and this time, it is not coming from where it traditionally sprang.
Along with the current rise in Anti-Semitism, Christians, Yazidis, and others are being persecuted and murdered.
“The hate that begins with Jews never ends with Jews. In a world awash with hate across religious divides, people of all faiths and none must stand together, not just to defeat anti-Semitism but to ensure the rights of religious minorities are defended everywhere.” – Rabbi Jonathan Sacks
“The world is a dangerous place to live, not because of the people who are evil, but because of the people who don’t do anything about it.” – Albert Einstein
“It’s not the differences that divide people, but rather the indifference.” – Francesca Schwartz, my Aunt, she was a Holocaust survivor who was a victim of Dr. Mengele experiments
I write this because I cannot be indifferent. I must speak up. I must do something. I hope that this something touches you and that you feel the same.
It is traditional and respectful to observe a moment of silence.
If we observed a moment of silence for all of the six million, we would be silent for eleven and a half years!
“Never Again”
‘It Is What It Is”, Or Is It?
There is this story of a great old wise man, a seer, who was coming to a town to speak. Many, many people waited with great anticipation for his arrival and then went to hear him speak. Among them, was this one young and cynical man, who went simply to challenge the wise man. After the wise man spoke, there was a Q&A. When it was the young mans turn, he put out his cupped hands and asked the wise man what was in his hands. The wise man replied, “It is a little bird”, which was right. The young man was stunned, but he was still cynical, so he asked whether it was dead or alive. The wise man knew that if he replied, “it’s dead”, the young man would open his hands and the bird would fly away. If he replied “it was alive”, the young man would crush the bird in his hands. The wise man’s reply was “the answer is all in your hands.”*
This story, which I have posted here before, serves as a very powerful reminder for all, in how we approach all that comes, or is sent our way.
Many people are either unhappy, or very concerned with the current state of their lives and/or the world in general. Too many just accept it. You’ll hear them say with resignation, “it is what it is”. They take the “it is what it is” attitude rather than the “it is what you make of it” approach. Nothing can ever improve with the “it is what it is” attitude. That attitude almost guarantees that things will get worse, or at a minimum stays the same, which is the same as worse.
“The answer is all in your hands” is a reminder to not accept, or be resigned. You have the power to do something with whatever comes your way. What comes your way, specifically comes your way because only you can use it to improve it or from it.
“Everything can be taken from a man but one thing: the last of the human freedoms—to choose one’s attitude in any given circumstances, to choose one’s own way”. – Dr. Viktor Frankl from “Man’s Search for Meaning”
“The answer is all in your hands” also means “you’ve got the whole world in your hands”. In other words, you have a responsibility to make things better, no matter how small you perceive your contribution to be, or how low the odds seem to you to be.
“No snowflake in an avalanche ever feels responsible.” – Stanislaw Jerzy Lec
The mere fact that you are doing something, rather than accepting, will give you a purpose. By purposefully doing, you will find fulfillment and joy. That will lead to you doing more. The more you do, the more joy you will find. Doing more will also inspire others to join in etc., etc., etc.
“A joyful person is not a person in a certain set of circumstances, but rather a person with a certain set of attitudes.” – Hugh Downs
“The Answer Is All in Your Hands.”
Heart and Soul
*I wish I remembered the source for this story so that I could give credit where it’s due
Slavery or Freedom, Which Do You Choose?
The Jewish people are about to begin celebrating Passover, their Exodus story of 210 years of slavery in Egypt.*
Jews are commanded to constantly remember their slavery, to remember it as though they were there. One of the very powerful messages of this remembering, and one that applies to all people who are blessed to live in freedom today, is the lesson that while we are no longer physical slaves, we are still slaves. This time we are our own Pharaoh and the slavery is of the self-imposed spiritual and emotional variety. That means the only one who can free you is you.
We hold ourselves back from climbing our mountain The journey that will lead us to being the person we were destined and created to become. We hold ourselves back with the “I can’ts” (see the inner-speak series). How we speak to our self and about our self, translates into who we are. We each have a Pharaoh inside us that enslaves us with the “I can’ts”. We also have a Moses inside of us that can lead us to freedom. A freedom that we can use to continually grow, improve, and find joy. Who would you rather listen to?
“We suffer under the constraints of our habits simply because we had them yesterday. We are slaves to ingrained pathways of our lives and our world; because we are too busy dusting the covers of our Book of Life to read its pages.” – The Rebbe Menachem Mendel Schneerson
Happy Passover
*this post, while somewhat edited, has been posted here before, and in the theme of the remembering, it’s posted here again. In case you don’t remember!
“Regrets, I Have a Few”*
Regrets, we all have some. In thinking about regrets, the question arises as to what is the nature of those regrets? Are they what you didn’t do or things you did do? The nature of the regrets must be understood in order to not allow the regrets to hold you back.
Let’s look at the “didn’t do” first
Here is a video of a chalkboard put up on a street in Manhattan. The chalkboard asked people to stop and write what their regrets were
As you see in the video, most of the regrets were about what they didn’t do and wished they had done. If that describes you, then what do you do about what you didn’t do? You can spend time analyzing why you procrastinated, which is just another form of procrastination, or you can start doing!
It’s never too late, better late than never……yada, yada, yada
“What is not started today is never finished tomorrow.” – Johann Wolfgang von Goethe
“What you do today can improve all your tomorrows.” – Ralph Marston
“The best time to plant a tree is twenty years ago. The second best time is now.” – Proverb
So finish reading this post and get started!
The “Did Do” regrets
If your regrets are about what you did do, such as something that hurt another, then where possible, sincerely apologize. Then remembering that you don’t want to hurt another again, promise yourself that you won’t. That promise includes remembering to always carefully choose your words and actions.
Once you’ve done that, then you can forgive yourself and stop letting the pain of that regret hold you back from continuing to climb your mountain. With those regrets behind you, you will find yourself treating people kindly and compassionately more and more, which you won’t regret!
Forgiveness is not only of others, it is also of yourself.
“When you forgive, you in no way change the past — but you sure do change the future”. — Bernard Meltzer
If you hold on to the regrets instead of using them as a springboard, you are only adding to your list of regrets.
Heart and Soul
*from “My Way” – Frank Sinatra
“I Feel Bad”
Do I feel bad because it’s been over three months since I’ve posted anything here? Yes. I’m touched and moved to action by those that have let me know that they missed the posts. I’m sorry and I can and will do better.
Yet, that is not is not what I mean by the title of this post. It is actually from a very interesting story about something that happened to me a couple of weeks ago.
I was walking down the street with my Sister and Brother-in-Law. We just came out of a restaurant after having lunch, which was just after having been to my Father’s Unveiling*. A man, who appeared a little down and out, but not necessarily homeless, approached me. He asked me for a dollar, saying he wanted to “buy a cup of coffee”. I reached into my pocket and gave him a dollar. He said “thank you”.
I proceeded to walk to the corner to cross the street and go to the car. When I got to the car, I had to turn around to get in, and now I could see him again. He was standing at the corner staring at me. When the light changed, he crossed the street in my direction. As we were about to pull out, he approached the car and knocked on the window. I opened the window and he handed me back the dollar bill?? I said “that’s okay, you can keep it”. He calmly and simply said, “I feel bad” and pushed the dollar bill into my hand?!
If everything happens for a reason and it does, I am left with trying to understand the reason for this experience. What can I learn from it? What is it that he was meant to bring to me, or I to him, or both. A gift/lesson given and/or received so that I/we could be more ready to complete our mission here.
While I’m doing that, here is as assignment for you
While there are many possible explanations for what this occurrence was about and we’ll never know what it actually was, think about why you believe this happened. Perhaps write it down. Then review it. Your thought will tell you something about yourself. It tells you about your perspective, how you see others, and the world. Understanding your perspective can help you on your path to the ultimate you.
So ask yourself ——–
Why did I think that? Was it a positive or negative? Was it inspiring? ………..
“We don’t always see things as they are, we see things as we are” Anais Nin
While I didn’t know what to make of what happened at that moment, I knew that particular dollar bill wasn’t meant for me to buy something with, even a cup of coffee. I decided I would give it to charity. Later that day, I saw a woman sitting on the street holding a bowl with money placed in it asking for Tzedakah (charity), so I handed that dollar bill to her.
“When two people meet, something good should result for a third.” – Rabbi Yosef Yitzchak Schneersohn
Heart and Soul
* An unveiling is a Jewish ceremony at the unveiling of the gravestone done within a year of the burial
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