Shop At Home
Don’t go comparison shopping, instead shop at home. Looking at what others have or don’t have, does not advance your cause. What does, is shopping within your self to see all that’s left on your shelves. Don’t look at what you think is above or below, just look within. All that you need is found there. Whoever you are and whatever your age, if you are still here, there is more of you left to discover. Looking at what others have or have accomplished, can serve a positive purpose if it inspires you to reach further inside yourself and tap into all of your potential. The only value in being aware of others in worse situations is to remind you to kindly and compassionately seek ways you can help them.
Positive Psychology, many parents, and many Self-Help books will tell you that “you can be anything you want to be”. That’s not necessarily true. Can you be the President of the United States-maybe, can you be a superstar athlete-maybe, can you be………
You may not become anything you want to be, although you should try if that is where your passion lies. Go as far as you can go by putting all you have into it, and be happy with where it leads. If, for example your goal is to become number one at something, recognize that it is more than okay if you don’t succeed.
Otherwise, instead of raising your image of yourself, it might lower it. This can lead to envy and then anger. That’s a no-no. It’s more than okay because while you might not become number one at that something, you can be everything you were meant and needed to be and number one at that. You are meant to be no one else but you.
Everyone was given unique gifts to use for their purpose and mission. You were given gifts for your purpose and mission. There never was or ever will be someone like you and there is a reason for that. The reason is that you and only you, can make a certain and unique contribution to improve our world. Your contribution might not bring you fame and fortune but it will improve your life by improving the life of another or others. No one can be as good at the something that you were meant to be as you can be.
You will find your gift when you explore and reach for your fullest potential in everything that you do. Doing that means and includes when you meld the kindness and compassion of your soul into your physical and material activities.
Your physical potential while as yet not fully tapped is indeed limited. Your soul’s potential while not yet fully tapped is indeed unlimited.
When the great Rabbi Zusha was on his deathbed, He was surrounded by family, friends, and students. They saw him crying and asked if he was crying because he feared death. He explained that he wasn’t afraid of dying. He was afraid that when he died and met G-d, he wouldn’t be asked why he wasn’t more like Moses or Abraham; he would be asked why he wasn’t more like Zusha.
“I do not try to dance better than anyone else. I only try to dance better than myself.” – Mikhail Baryshnikov
“May you use all of your possibilities for the benefit of many.” – Rabbi Menachem Mendel Schneerson, the Lubavitcher Rebbe
Heart and Soul
Don’t Go Comparison Shopping
How often do you compare your life to others? This kind of comparison shopping comes in different forms.
In one form, you might look at the lives of others that have more of the things you want and you become envious. This doesn’t improve your lot, instead it might make you angry. Angry never leads to improvement.
Another form is to look at those in worse situations than you believe you are in. How many times, when you are in a period of struggle, do you find yourself thinking “it could be worse”, in order to make yourself feel better? Or, how many times, when you tell someone else of your struggle or pain, do they tell you that? It is said by them in an effort and an expectation that it will make you feel better.
Does comparison shopping for someone who is in a worse situation really make you feel better? Perhaps it will provide some temporary relief like taking an aspirin, but it doesn’t cure the ailment. Instead, shop for something that will actually make things better.
Comparison shopping for someone seemingly in a worse situation might give temporary relief, but it does nothing to inspire you to do what’s necessary to improve your circumstances. In fact, it may do the opposite and inspire you to just accept your situation, which will make things worse by prolonging it. Worse, it might just be feeding your ego by finding someone you are better than.
Your lot and that of others is not a competition. If everything happens for a reason, then a part of the reason for the struggle is to find a way out and learn what you can from that process. Rather than focusing on another, focus on finding the meaning in your struggle. It will make you stronger and prepare you for more lessons sure to come your way. Learning all these lessons and welcoming the challenges will eventually lead you to the person you are destined to become.
The only value in being aware of others in worse situations is to remind you to kindly and compassionately seek ways you can help them. When you help, you will feel better.
During the forty years that the Jewish people were trekking through the desert, they had a practice as to how their tents were set up whenever they made camp. Their tents always faced in a direction that didn’t allow them to see inside other people’s tents. If they couldn’t see inside other people’s tents there was no comparison shopping.
“Don’t compare your life to others. You have no idea what their journey is all about.” – Regina Brett
“Not everything that counts can be counted, and not everything that can be counted counts.” – Albert Einstein
“The best way to cheer yourself is to try to cheer someone else up.” – Mark Twain
“If you want to lift yourself up, lift up someone else.” – Booker T. Washington
Heart and Soul
“I Don’t Feel Like It”*
Do you suffer from “I don’t feel like it -itus”? Here is a cure.
You know you should get some exercise but you have a list of excuses to choose from.
“I didn’t sleep well.”
“I had a fight with my significant other.”
“I had a bad day at the office.”
Etcetera. ecetera…Yet you know from experience that if you did workout, you always feel better after. So it’s important to make that extra effort to do the workout. Making that extra effort is now part of the workout. It’s as though you began with some heavy lifting. You have trained yourself to overcome an emotion that stands in the way of your progress and growth.
Kabbalists speak of “Head over Heart.” The head is above the heart, so that metaphorically the head should overrule the heart. The head represents the intellect that knows what is right to do. The heart represents the emotions which are often impulsive and when acted on alone send us off the path of our improvement and growth. Ideally, the head and heart will eventually find a balance to work together, but until we find that balance we should let the head overrule.
Beyond exercise, which is for ourselves, the same head over heart approach applies to our dealings with others. Too often we are not as kind, compassionate, or charitable to others because at that moment we “don’t feel like it.” When we are feeling up and in a good mood it’s easy to be giving. Giving of ourselves is hardest, just like exercise, when we’re not in the mood. Just like exercise, that is precisely the time to make that extra effort knowing that you will feel better after. Eventually, through the training like experience it will become easier and easier to automatically do the right thing. So whenever you find yourself saying “I don’t feel like it,” tell yourself that that’s all the more reason to do it.
“When I first came to America I was poor, yet I always gave to charity. It always made me feel richer.” – Sam Fox, my Father, a Holocaust Survivor
Side effects will include a more constant feeling of joy from “feeling like it”, which will lead to doing the good and right thing more and more.
Heart and Soul
*An Oldie But Goodie updated from the original sent 10/10/11
Swimming Pool Approach*
Most of us fear risk. In anything new, we are risking something, to get something. In things financial we fear the loss of money or being wrong. In all else, of all the fears, the greatest fear that holds us back, is of the unknown.
If fear of the unknown, or any fear, is holding you back from realizing any or all of your dreams and goals, then try the swimming pool approach. Wade into the shallow end and slowly continue to the deeper end as you become accustomed to the water temperature of your unknown. You don’t have to jump right into the deep end, you just have to enter the pool and keep moving towards it.
“Never fear shadows – it means that there’s light nearby”. – Pesach and Chana Burston
“With love, you set your goals. With fear, you set your boundaries”. – Unknown
“Fear builds walls to bar the light.” – The Baal Shem Tov
Part of Your Power Is In Your Follow Through series
*updated from the original sent 6/23/11
Heart and Soul
Do You See Yourself As A Grasshopper?***
After forty days crossing the desert, the Jewish people are about to enter the Promised Land, as told in this week’s Torah portion Shelach.. Before they do, Moses sends twelve spies/scouts to go in first and report back what they see. Only two of the twelve came back with a positive report. The remaining ten were frightened and saw an inhospitable land filled with giants.
In the first part of a very telling statement they said, “In our eyes we seemed like grasshoppers…. Notice that they said in “our eyes”. When we come upon a new challenge, how often do we react fearfully? How often do we see ourselves as to small, too weak, and unable? How often do we see ourselves as grasshoppers? When this paralysis of fear hits us we become stuck where we are. We hold ourselves back from continuing our climb to reach our goals, dreams, and discover who we were created and destined to become.
In the second part of the statement they said, ..and so we were in their eyes.” Numbers13:33. If you see yourself in a negative light, then that is how you will present yourself and be seen by others. If others see you negatively, then doors will be closed. Believe in yourself, if you don’t, no one else will, and if you don’t why should they?
“Within yourself deliverance must be searched for, because each man makes his own prison.” – Edwin Arnold
“You become what you think, even if you don’t think so.” – Dr. Morris Mandel
“We all have a fear of the unknown what one does with that fear will make all the difference in the world.” – Lillian Russell
Heart and Soul
*** Corrected Title
*updated from the original posted 6/19/12
Do You See Yourself As A Grasshopper?
After forty days crossing the desert, the Jewish people are about to enter the Promised Land, as told in this week’s Torah portion Shelach.. Before they do, Moses sends twelve spies/scouts to go in first and report back what they see. Only two of the twelve came back with a positive report. The remaining ten were frightened and saw an inhospitable land filled with giants. In the first part of a very telling statement they said, “In our eyes we seemed like grasshoppers…. Notice that they said in “our eyes”. When we come upon a new challenge, how often do we react fearfully? How often do we see ourselves as to small, too weak, and unable? How often do we see ourselves as grasshoppers? When this paralysis of fear hits us we become stuck where we are. We hold ourselves back from continuing our climb to reach our goals, dreams, and discover who we were created and destined to become.
In the second part of the statement they said, ..and so we were in their eyes.” Numbers13:33. If you see yourself in a negative light, then that is how you will present yourself and be seen by others. If others see you negatively, then doors will be closed. Believe in yourself, if you don’t, no one else will, and if you don’t why should they?
“Within yourself deliverance must be searched for, because each man makes his own prison.” – Edwin Arnold
“You become what you think, even if you don’t think so.” – Dr. Morris Mandel
“We all have a fear of the unknown what one does with that fear will make all the difference in the world.” – Lillian Russell
Heart and Soul
*updated from the original posted 6/19/12
Memorial Day
We honor and remember those who made the ultimate sacrifice to attain and preserve our precious gift of freedom. In cherishing their memory we remember to cherish our freedom. The fallen understood this:
“Liberty is one of the most precious gifts heaven has bestowed upon man. No treasures the earth contains or the sea conceals can be compared to it. For liberty one can rightfully risk one’s life”. —Don Quixote
“When you know what you are willing to die for, then you will know what to live for”. — Jewish saying
Heart and Soul
The Spinning Rabbi - Heart & Soul 