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Forgive and Forget??

January 25, 2017

The last post, “Forgive and Keep Going” spoke of what the free-ing of forgiveness can do for our ability to get to where we are meant to go/be.

The question arises, as to whether forgiveness also means forgetting.

There are two parts to forgiving.

One, as pointed out in the last post, is to forgive, so as to free yourself.  To not be anchored or held back by resentment, hurt, revenge,…….  If you allow that to happen to you, you lose!  If you lose, we lose you!

“When you forgive, you in no way change the past — but you sure do change the future.”   —   Bernard Meltzer

 “Forgiveness means giving up all hope for a better past.”  —   Lily Tomlin

The second part is forgiving the offending party and therefore forgetting or erasing the event.  To do that would mean to maintain whatever type/level of relationship you had with that person.  That level of forgiving can only come with that person sincerely asking for forgiveness and demonstrating it.  Without that, you are still stuck because the hurtful/harmful event will happen again and again.  With that asking and demonstrating, you can then forget.

Forgetting doesn’t mean to quickly erase.  That event contained a lesson for you to learn and improve from.  When you’re hurt, ask yourself what you can learn from the hurt.  Once you have the lesson ingrained and used for future action, then you can erase.

 “Experience is the best teacher, and the worst experiences teach the best lessons.” — Unknown

Think about what you learned or could have learned.

 “It is never too late to be what you might have been.” – George Eliot

The most obvious lesson is

If someone hurts you let it serve as a reminder that you shouldn’t do that to another.

 “What is hateful to you, do not do to your fellow.” – Hillel

Share some lessons with us by using the comment box

Heart and Soul



4 Comments leave one →
  1. Bob permalink
    January 25, 2017 8:41 am

    Forgiveness is good for your health, good for your brain and good for relationships.
    I recommend Forgive for Good, a great book by Stanford neuroscientist Fred Luskin.
    Thanks, Fred

    • Fred Fox permalink
      January 25, 2017 9:25 am

      You are so right Bob
      Thanks for the book recommendation. I’ll check it out

  2. Jocko permalink
    January 25, 2017 8:07 am

    I’ve often found myself withholding forgiveness with a tenacity that would make a pit bull proud.

    What especially spoke to me in this teaching is:

    “When you’re hurt, ask yourself what you can learn from the hurt. Once you have the lesson ingrained and used for future action, then you can erase.”

    That gives me a framework where I can see some kind of “end” to the miserable state of being unforgiving. Thanks for putting this teaching up.

    • Fred Fox permalink
      January 25, 2017 9:26 am

      I’m so glad you found this helpful

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